If you’re not sure what I am referring to, reference this blog a few posts back and it will catch you up.
Ok, so you’re all caught up now on my failed attempt to own my part in my 5th tax season experience.
I’ll be the first to admit, that was not owning my part in full and to the extent it should have been owned.
I was feeling hurt and still in the middle of busy season.
Not the best time to process things, but I thought it was.
Now that I’ve had time away from busy season and a whole week off to separate myself from my job, I’m ready to sweep my side of the street in full, not just the driveway!
Without further ado, here it goes…
I personalized everything that happened. Literally every word, every comment, every question, every little thing.
Because I personalized everything, I was reading too much into things. 90% of those things were not that deep. But I was already emotional, so I thought they were deeper than they actually were.
I relied too much on my coworkers to support my outlandish, emotional self. I’m grateful to have had a coworker willing to just listen.
There you have it, the true part I played in the emotional rollercoaster I subjected myself to.
But wait, what about the other blog post? Is that not true?
I’m so glad you asked!
Yes and no.
Yes because it was my truth.
No because it’s not the truth.
My feelings are valid.
Everyone’s feelings are valid.
Just because I feel someway about something does not make it true.
MY truth does not equal THE truth.
And vice versa.
That’s a nonnegotiable fact.
I let the committee in my head dictate the entirety of busy season.
That’s four months of uncontrolled emotions.
It’s a gift I still have a job after that!
Tomorrow is my review of busy season.
If it is asked or gets brought up, my statements will only relate to my shortcomings I listed above.
Am I solely to blame?
No.
But I’m not blameless.
Periodt.
This week, I encourage you to step away from the situation that’s causing you to spiral.
In that time away, really dive deeper into what is causing your emotional instability.
Once you have the root cause (mine was insecurity in my performance at work and my fears of being fired), try to examine what part you may be playing in your mood.
Then, correct it.
See, the therapy really is working after 28 years.
I just need to take the time to put it in practice.
Impulsivity will be the death of me one day.
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