I grew up in a privileged home.
My parents gave my brother and I the best life ever.
I was adopted and I think, growing up, that impacted my fear of abandonment and my codependency.
I had a picture perfect childhood, the parts I can remember (not many sadly).
Despite my parent’s best efforts, I still wandered off my path and continued wandering deeper until late adulthood.
It is cliché, but it’s true, addiction doesn’t discriminate.
I spent most of my early adult years in addiction; not just to substances, but to toxic relationships, anorexia, and looking for love in all the wrong places.
In 2016, I agreed I would no longer date inside the rooms of narcotics anonymous.
That same year, I met my husband.
In the damn rooms of narcotics anonymous.
Maybe it was the act of surrendering that opened that door?
Only God knows.
We married in 2017.
Our first year of marriage was almost also our last year of marriage.
But God saw me fit to carry a child that was conceived in impossible circumstances.
I was active in my ED.
There was no chance I would ever get pregnant while my body was reserving its resources to keep my organs going.
But God decided it was time.
We managed to get it together for the sake of our daughter and we’re still married today because of her saving us from ourselves.
No matter how close to the edge my firstborn has pushed me, I’m forever grateful for her.
From 2018 until now, we’ve had 2 other kids, moved 4 times, and my husband has gone through numerous jobs.
He was a chef during Covid, as you can imagine, jobs were at a standstill in the food and beverage department.
I digress.
We’ve come across many situations, mostly involving my overwhelming mental health battles, that would have destroyed a “normal” marriage.
My husband has stuck by me, defended me, weathered the storms, and still loves me.
I do not deserve him.
I am so grateful everyday I not only wake up and choose him, but he chooses me too.
Up until this year, we’ve STRUGGLED.
We’ve scraped by with the help of our families (thank God for their willingness).
Here we are again, needing help.
But we’re so at peace because we know it’s only for this month.
I keep saying it, but I mean it.
This is our year!
It’s finally happening for us.
All the years of barely making it, wondering why nothing ever works out for us but works for the people making poor decisions, why we aren’t worthy enough for financial change, when will life not seem so hard.
All those woe is me years have come to this.
Your past does not define who you are.
Let my transparency be your proof.
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